A mother of identical twin girls is facing pressure from her family to dress them identically for a formal family picture. She stands firm in her belief that her daughters should be treated as individuals with their own preferences. Read on to see the full story and decide for yourself if she's in the wrong.

I am the mother of 1-year-old identical twin girls. I have never liked the idea of dressing them identically because, while they are twins, they are not the same child. Whenever I am given matching outfits, I mix and match them to make them look different or rotate who wears what. I have always felt it's important that they be allowed their own sense of self and not have "twin" pushed on them as a major part of their identity.
Family pictures are coming up soon for my Great-Grandmother's 80th birthday, and we want to commemorate this with pictures. My mother has booked professional photographs. The dress code is formal. I have bought one daughter a sparkly purple dress—she is like a little magpie and loves anything sparkly. My other daughter has a green dress with flowers on it because she loves flowers. I plan to do one daughter's hair in pigtails and the other with a hairband.
My mother called me and asked me to dress them alike, saying it will look cute for the picture. I told her she knows how I feel about that and that we won't be doing that. I also mentioned that I had already bought dresses. She offered to buy new matching dresses, but I refused. She told me I was being ridiculous and that it was only one picture and wouldn't harm them. When I asked if she had bought my brother's daughters, who are 11 and 7, matching dresses, she said no and asked why she would do that. This led me to ask her why my children should dress alike, to which the answer, of course, was because they are identical twins.
This led to a heated conversation, and I told my mother that they are my daughters and it is my call. All she needs to be concerned about is them being presentable and matching the dress code. She told me I am being selfish and that it won't matter, pointing out how lots of twins like to dress alike. I told her that if they wished to dress alike one day, I would not stop them, but until then, this is what I am doing.
My brother has since called me and asked me to just do it, explaining that our mother is stressed out and how I can change the girls out of the matching outfits after the picture. He emphasized that it's only a picture and that it would keep the peace. I know it's only a picture, but it just feels wrong to me. Is it really wrong of me to stand firm on this?

The general sentiment of the comments is overwhelmingly supportive of the mother's decision, with the vast majority of commenters agreeing that she is not in the wrong for refusing to dress her twins identically. Many commenters shared personal experiences or anecdotes about the negative impact of enforcing identical dress codes on twins, emphasizing the importance of allowing twins to develop their own individual identities. A few comments also pointed out the double standard in the grandmother's request, as other cousins were not expected to dress alike. Overall, the commenters praised the mother for advocating for her daughters' individuality and maintaining her boundaries despite family pressure. There were, however, a few comments suggesting a compromise for the sake of keeping peace in the family.

The top comments on the post strongly supported the mother's stance on not dressing her identical twin daughters in matching outfits. One commenter, who is an identical twin themselves, expressed immense gratitude toward the mother, stating, "Coming from someone with an identical twin sister—thank you for your service." This comment highlights the long-term impact that enforcing individuality can have on twins, and it resonates with many who understand the struggle of being constantly grouped together.

Another highly upvoted comment reflected on the parent's right to make decisions for their children, stating, "The kids are yours and ultimately their clothing choices are yours." The commenter emphasized that the grandmother should respect the mother's boundaries and focus on the children's overall presentation rather than insisting on identical outfits for the sake of one photograph. This viewpoint emphasizes the respect for parental authority and the acknowledgment of children as individuals rather than accessories.

A particularly poignant comment drew attention to past experiences where forcing twins to dress identically led to unintentional emotional harm. The commenter shared their pain of always being seen as "the other twin," highlighting how it felt to be the one that "never felt good enough or loved the same." They thanked the mother for raising her daughters as unique individuals, reinforcing that differentiating them in dress goes beyond mere aesthetics and touches upon their developing sense of self-worth and identity.

In conclusion, the mother's decision to dress her identical twin daughters according to their individual preferences rather than identical outfits has garnered widespread support and appreciation from commenters who value the importance of individuality. The strong reactions highlight a collective acknowledgment of the need to respect children as distinct people with their own likes and interests, rather than treating them as matching accessories. Although a few voices suggested compromise for familial harmony, the overwhelming consensus praised the mother for setting healthy boundaries and championing her daughters' identities. This story serves as a poignant reminder of the broader implications of how we choose to express love and respect for children, especially those who are often seen as a unit rather than individuals.