When it comes to friends visiting from out of town, offering a place to stay can be a kind gesture. However, one woman wonders if she's in the wrong for asking her friend to find alternative accommodations after feeling overwhelmed by frequent stays. Here's her story.

I am a 25-year-old woman living in a major city where many of my college friends often visit for work or vacations. One of my close friends, "Emily," who is 26, lives in a different state but frequently travels to my city for business. Whenever she is here, she asks to stay at my apartment, and for the most part, I have been happy to let her crash with me to save on hotel costs.
However, lately, it has become quite overwhelming. Emily visits at least once a month, and she usually stays for 4-5 days each time. When she is here, she treats my place like a hotel—she comes and goes as she pleases, doesn't really help with cleaning up, and expects me to be around to hang out when she is free, even though I have my own life and responsibilities.
Last month, I gently told Emily that while I love seeing her, I need some more space and suggested that she consider staying at a hotel or splitting her visits between my place and other friends. She did not take it well. She accused me of not being a good friend and said that since I live alone and have the space, it should not be a big deal to let her stay.
I tried to explain that it is not about space, but about feeling like my home isn’t my own when she is here so often. Now, she is barely speaking to me, and some mutual friends think I am being unreasonable for not wanting to help her out.

The overwhelming sentiment from the commenters is one of support for the poster. The majority believe that she is not in the wrong for setting boundaries and protecting her personal space, with many commenters pointing out that Emily's behavior is inconsiderate and entitled. Common judgments from the commenters include calling Emily a freeloader and a bad guest, and several speculate that Emily might be pocketing money from her work trips instead of using it for hotel expenses. Commenters also suggest that mutual friends who side with Emily should host her themselves to see how it feels. Overall, the sentiment is that the poster is justified in her decision to ask for space and that real friends would respect her needs and boundaries.

Among the top comments, one expresses strong support for the poster's position. This commenter argues that no one owes free accommodation to friends whenever they want, emphasizing that 4-5 days a month is a significant amount of time to host someone who does not contribute to the household. The commenter notes, "You don't owe her free accommodation when she feels like popping by. I get wanting to stay with you, but she should pull her weight around the house, cook you dinner as a sign of appreciation, and clean up after herself." This sentiment underscores the importance of mutual respect and contribution in any living arrangement.

Another highly rated comment highlights the possibility that Emily might be taking financial advantage of the situation. The commenter suggests, "If she's traveling on business, her employer should provide her a hotel. If it's her business and she can't afford a hotel, she's underfunded and not your problem." The commenter adds that Emily could be pocketing her per diem meant for lodging and meals, which further justifies the poster's feelings of being exploited.

A third prominent comment questions the fairness of mutual friends calling the poster unreasonable, pointing out that these friends should offer to host Emily themselves if they feel so strongly. The commenter states, "If she is traveling for business, would she even have to pay for a hotel? Wouldn’t business expenses cover that? How does she get to travel so often and for so long?" The commenter labels Emily a "moocher" and insists that a true friend would not treat the poster’s home like a hotel but would contribute to household chores and expenses instead. This reinforces the view that Emily’s behavior is both inconsiderate and self-serving.

In conclusion, the consensus among commenters is clear: the poster is justified in setting boundaries and should not feel guilty for reclaiming her personal space. While it's natural to want to help out a friend, it's equally important to ensure reciprocity and mutual respect in such arrangements. Emily's repeated and prolonged stays without contributing to the household or respecting the poster's schedule have stretched the notion of hospitality too far. Ultimately, a true friend would understand and respect the poster's need for space rather than reacting with hostility. This situation serves as a valuable lesson in the importance of maintaining healthy boundaries in friendships, particularly when personal space and well-being are at stake.