A young woman is facing backlash from her father and stepmother after making a drastic decision to move out and attend a different college than her stepsister. They accuse her of deceit and abandonment, but she claims she was left with no other option.

My father and stepmother were both widowed when my stepsister and I were five years old. They met a year later and became "widowed parent friends," although I always believed they started dating about a year after my mother and stepsister's father died. They don't want to be honest about moving on so quickly, especially when they had children. We would all hang out together during the day and have late nights at each other's houses for a couple of years. Even back then, I struggled to get along with my stepsister. She was always a sensitive child—shy, quiet, and very delicate when it came to any kind of negativity or correction. I am quiet and introverted, so we were similar. However, I was supposed to be her best friend, according to my father, and to be gentle with her, be there for her, help her with stuff, and make her laugh. It was annoying back then, and when my father and stepmother admitted they were dating, I really hated the idea of being stuck with her. She would cling to me in school, track me down, and follow me around. My father told me I should love having a sister my age. I told him I did not. He told me to think about how great it could be. I told him I wanted to spend time with friends without her. He said she was my best friend.
She never could make her own friends. She is very hard to get close to. She hardly talks. She'll talk if it's just us, but it is so painful. She never wants to do anything and just follows me around. There were times I would leave to spend time with friends, and she would cry, and I would get into trouble for leaving her.
Then our half-siblings were born, and it was a chaos. I love my half-siblings. It was clear I loved them but not my stepsister. My stepmother made a very big deal out of it and told me I should not love some siblings more than others; I should love everyone equally. She also accused me of turning my half-siblings against my stepsister. However, she never wanted to play with them or speak to them. Yet, she would get upset when they favored me too. Mostly, she hated that I favored them over her. I never wanted to spend time with her. I always had to be forced to. It showed. That did not help. Family therapy was halted after four months because my father and stepmother didn't like that so much focus was put on helping my stepsister branch out instead of helping us come together as "sisters."
For two years, my father, stepmother, and stepsister were planning for us to go to college together, to move out together so we could travel at the same time and settle in together. I made plans behind their backs with my grandfather, and against their wishes, I moved out in June and moved in with my grandfather for the summer. I will be starting community college in this town when school starts back up. My father finally found out. He and my stepmother were already angry that I moved out without my stepsister, and now they are furious we won't be attending the same school. My father was angry that I lied to him for two years. I told him he left me with no choice.
Am I wrong?

The overwhelming sentiment from the reactions is one of strong support for the author. Most people are empathetic, emphasizing the failure of the father and stepmother to address the underlying issues with the stepsister and unfairly placing the burden of her emotional well-being on the author. Reactions generally assert that the author is justified in seeking her own path, with many praising her grandfather for offering her a way out. Others highlight the disservice done to both siblings by not fostering independence and proper social skills in the stepsister. There is a unanimous sense that parents should not have imposed the responsibility of caretaking and emotional support on a sibling, especially when it hinders their personal growth and autonomy.

One insightful reaction highlighted the fact that the author had been unfairly burdened with the responsibilities that should have been managed by her father and stepmother. The commenter noted, "Instead of helping her themselves, they shoved the responsibilities of what sounds like your stepmom’s obviously very neurodivergent daughter onto you." This perspective underscores the idea that effective parenting would involve addressing the needs of all children individually rather than forcing one child to meet another's emotional and social needs.

Another pointed out the pitfalls of the parents’ approach to therapy, criticizing it as a means to validate their own biases rather than genuinely helping the family. "It just chaps my hide to read yet another story of parents going to therapy, not to find a healthy way for the family to adjust to reality, but to 'fix' the child that they see as being the problem," the commenter lamented. They commended the author’s grandfather for his support, and encouraged her to "live your life on your own terms and thrive." This speaks to the broader issue of how therapy can be misused by parents to reinforce harmful dynamics within the family.

A compelling comment suggested that the author should have a frank conversation with her father to outline the ways in which she was wronged. The commenter proposed several points, such as, "It was cruel of your wife to blame me because her daughter did not adjust to her mom moving on and having more kids," and "Dad, you owed it to me to give me a safe space to talk to you about what I felt. You never did, so I lied." This recommendation encapsulates the sentiment that open, honest communication is critical for setting boundaries and fostering understanding, something that had been severely lacking in the author's family dynamics.

The tale of the young woman who chose to forge her own path apart from her stepsister serves as a poignant reminder of the importance of individual autonomy and the damaging effects of undue familial pressure. Her decision to move out and attend a different college, supported by her grandfather, highlights the necessity of personal space and the freedom to make one's own choices, especially when family dynamics are steeped in unaddressed issues. While her father and stepmother's anger is understandable from their perspective, it's clear that their approach fundamentally failed both siblings, underscoring the need for balanced and fair parenting that respects the emotional needs and boundaries of all children involved.