Am I Wrong for Refusing to Host Thanksgiving This Year?

Published on Sunday, August 18, 2024

A woman is questioning whether she is wrong for deciding not to host Thanksgiving this year after a decade of handling the event. With six sisters and a large family to accommodate, her decision has stirred up some family tension. Read the full story below.

I am a 40-year-old woman, and I have six sisters. My two older sisters are 44 and 47, and my four younger sisters are 38, 36, 34, and 32. We have always been a close-knit family, and for the past decade, I have taken on the responsibility of hosting Thanksgiving at my house. I enjoy having everyone over, but it is a lot of work, especially since we all have at least two kids each (all in the age group 5-15). It is chaos, but joyful chaos. My husband helps out, but the majority of the planning, cooking, and organizing falls on me.
This year, I decided I need a break. Life has been hectic, and I am feeling burnt out. Between work, taking care of my kids (10 and 11-year-old boys), and other responsibilities, I am just not up for the task of hosting a big family gathering. So, I suggested that one of my sisters take over hosting Thanksgiving this year.
I brought this up in our family group chat, thinking it would be a reasonable request and giving plenty of notice. However, my two older sisters, Sarah (47) and Emily (44), were not happy with the idea. Sarah has a busy job and a smaller house, so she feels she cannot accommodate everyone comfortably. Emily argued that she has been dealing with a lot of stress lately and does not have the energy to host. They both suggested that since I have been doing it for so long, I should just continue the tradition, especially since my house is the most spacious and I am the one who "knows how to do it right."
My younger sisters were more understanding, but they also hesitated to take on the responsibility. My sister Jessica (38) said she would be willing to help out more with the preparations if I hosted, but she was not confident about hosting the entire event herself. The other younger sisters offered similar compromises, but no one was willing to take on the full load.
After some back and forth, I stood firm and said I really need someone else to host this year. I suggested we could even make it a potluck to ease the burden, but Sarah and Emily were still upset. They accused me of being selfish and abandoning a family tradition that I have upheld for years. They argued that I am the one with the most experience, and that Thanksgiving just would not be the same if I did not host. Now, there is tension in the family, with my older sisters feeling like I am letting them down.
I feel like I have done my fair share over the years, and it is not unreasonable to ask for a break. But at the same time, I understand that my older sisters are also under a lot of pressure, and that hosting Thanksgiving is a big deal for our family.
So, am I wrong for refusing to host Thanksgiving this year after doing it for the past decade?
P.S. The second oldest, Emily, handles Christmas. So I feel like it is totally fair that she does not want to do both. (She does not cook though; she hires a catering company, but it is still a lot to take on regardless)

The general sentiment of the comments is overwhelmingly supportive of the original poster, with the most common judgment being that she is not wrong for wanting a break from hosting Thanksgiving. Many commenters express admiration for her for taking on such a significant responsibility for a decade and agree that it is entirely reasonable for her to step down, especially given her current life stressors. Several comments highlight the unfairness of her older sisters' reactions and deem them the selfish ones for not wanting to share the burden. There are numerous suggestions for alternative solutions, such as making the gathering a potluck or even booking a restaurant to lighten the load. Commenters empathize with the original poster's stress and fatigue, encouraging her to stand her ground and prioritize her well-being.

Among the top responses to the original post, one commenter emphasizes that the sisters' arguments against sharing the responsibility are flawed. They noted, "Your sisters are using 'tradition' as a tool to manipulate you into doing a lot of work without any reciprocity." The commenter suggests that her siblings need to understand that either the workload for hosting Thanksgiving becomes more equitable, or she should cease hosting altogether. They commend her for standing up for herself and assert that she has done more than enough over the years, pointing out the need for clear boundaries regarding family responsibilities.

Another popular comment highlights the sentiment that traditions should not be a mechanism for exploitation. One user finds it particularly baffling that these supposed family traditions hold so much weight for those who refuse to take part in the substantial labor involved. The commenter offers practical advice, suggesting the family meet at a restaurant, which would both alleviate the hosting burden and provide a chance to enjoy a relaxing day. This suggestion is rooted in the belief that family gatherings should be about collective enjoyment and mutual effort, not just convenience for some at the expense of others.

A third high-ranking comment underscores the hypocrisy in the older sisters' complaints. The commenter sarcastically mirrors their accusations, pointing out the inconsistency: "So their arguments against sharing the burden is that you have always had the burden? ...and that YOU are the selfish one here?" They reiterate the obvious unfairness of the situation and encourage the original poster to stand firm in her decision not to host Thanksgiving, highlighting the absurdity of the situation where her stress and fatigue are not being given the same consideration as those of her older sisters. This emphasis on fairness and mutual respect resonates strongly with other supportive comments.

In conclusion, the overwhelming support from the commenters suggests that the original poster is justified in her decision to take a break from hosting Thanksgiving this year. The familial expectation for her to shoulder such a massive burden annually has been met with a call for fairness and shared responsibility. While family traditions are important, they should not come at the cost of any individual's mental or physical well-being. The consensus is clear: it is time for her siblings to step up and contribute, ensuring that the essence of Thanksgiving—family, gratitude, and togetherness—remains intact without unfairly overburdening one person. As many have pointed out, a potluck or gathering at a restaurant are viable alternatives that can lead to a more equitable and enjoyable holiday for everyone.